There’s a special kind of rage that hits when you’re dismissed at your most vulnerable — curled up in an ER bed, running on pain, adrenaline, and zero patience for outdated attitudes. So I started collecting comebacks. Some I say out loud. Others live in my notes app, my blog, or my inevitable TED Talk: “How I Survived the Medical System Without Becoming a Supervillain.” Let’s break down the greatest hits — and how I respond (or wish I had the energy to).

❝That’s rare, it’s probably not that.❞

When I presented to emergency with a suspected CSF leak, I was told, “It’s too rare for you to have that.”

Comeback #1: So is MALS, MTS, and venous outflow obstructions — yet I have those.

Comeback #2: Even if it is rare, what happens if you ignore it and I’m right? (this one I did say).

Inner Monologue: You know what else is rare? A specialist who is up to date in their own field’s research.

Hot tip: My partner pulled up a study showing “CSF leaks are not rare for people with Hypermobility Ehlers-Danlos.” This helped them take me more seriously.

❝It’s probably just anxiety.❞

Comeback #1: I’ve had anxiety since the early 2000s — it’s never caused blood pooling or nerve compression before.

Comeback #2: If anxiety can cause this much physical dysfunction, shouldn’t we still investigate why my nervous system’s reacting this way?

Comeback #3: I’m open to that being part of it — but can we rule out physical causes first? I’d hate to medicate my “feelings” while ignoring an organ.

❝Well, I’ve never heard of that.❞

Comeback #1: That’s okay — you not knowing doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Comeback #2: I can share some literature — it affects over [insert stat] people worldwide.

Inner Monologue: That’s not a diagnosis; that’s an admission you should read more.

❝That’s not a real thing.❞

Yes, that’s been said to me — about actual, peer-reviewed conditions.

Comeback #1: Interesting. There’s plenty of research on it — would you like me to share?

Hot tip: I don’t waste time convincing skeptics. I check that a specialist actually treats my condition before booking.

❝You’re too young for that.❞

This has been said SO many times to me. I have things happening to me that are usually seen in cohorts above 50.

Comeback #1: Weird, because my symptoms didn’t check my birth certificate before showing up.

Comeback #2: Actually, the data shows [insert stat: e.g., “X% of patients are diagnosed under 30”]. Want me to forward the study?

❝But you look fine.❞

This one kills me. Unless I’m having a 15/10 flare, most people can’t tell I’m in agony — chronic illness teaches you to mask like a pro.

Comeback #1: Thanks! I have a high pain threshold — opioids don’t even touch it.

Comeback #2: I’ve learned to mask so others don’t feel uncomfortable.

(That one usually makes them uncomfortable.)

❝You can’t have that.❞

Told to me by someone who ran zero tests.

Comeback #1: Interesting — what makes you so certain without a single scan?

(In my case, he doubled down, saying other scans didn’t show anything. I calmly replied, “Right — but this condition needs a specific CT angiography with the right protocol, doesn’t it? So you’re 100% sure that would come back negative?” There was a pause, a shuffle, and then the classic backpedal: “Well… not 100%, but it’s just not likely.” Exactly.)

Comeback #2: Great, can you put that in writing to my GP?

(It’s a polite way to get documentation — and accountability.)

❝But your tests are normal.❞

Comeback #1: Cool — maybe we’re not running the right tests. Here are a few I think could help.

Comeback #2: Great! That means we’ve ruled a few things out — now can we look at what’s left?

Comeback #3: Normal results don’t mean I’m fine; they mean we haven’t found the problem yet.

Comeback #4: That’s reassuring — but I’d still like to understand why I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.

When I Realise Mid-Consult They’re Not Capable of Getting It

Not everyone is worth the fight. Some people — even in white coats — don’t have the humility to learn. When I feel that wall go up, I stop trying to scale it. I stay calm, ask clarifying questions, smile, and document everything. One day I might report some of these specialist, either way writing up the complaint letter was very therapeutic.