Whether it’s mental health, chronic illness, burnout—or a triple threat combo of all three—supporting someone going through a tough time can feel awkward, confusing, or downright intimidating.

My husband’s psych said rather than forcing help on them, let them know you are there if they need. But between you and me, if you say “let me know if you need anything”, I am probably not going to let them know. It’s really hard to ask for help. It’s also really hard when you’re unwell to even know what you want. So below are some tips and tricks I have learnt from being both the supportee and the supporter.

1. Ask Their People

If you’re not sure what would help, ask their inner circle—partner, mum, sibling, carer. These people often have the inside information on what’s falling through the cracks.

2. Be Kind (Especially When It’s Inconvenient)

This one is free and always appreciated. If your friend cancels (again), takes forever to reply, or has dropped off the radar—don’t make them feel bad about it. Assume they’re doing their best. Because they probably are.

3. The Power of a Simple Text

Don’t underestimate a “Thinking of you—hope today’s not too brutal” message. You don’t need to ask how they are (which can be triggering or exhausting to answer). The old “how are you?” question can be really tough to answer. Because honestly chronically unwell people are not fine a lot of the time. Just let them know you’re there. It’s a tiny gesture that lands big.

Examples: tell them something you saw in your day that reminded you of them, tell them something hilariously awkward your boss said during the team meeting or even just send them a funny insta reel.

4. Food = Love

Practical and comforting. Whether it’s:

• A meal after surgery

• Salty snacks for a friend with POTS

• An Uber Eats voucher if cooking is not your ministry (it’s not mine, so this is my default to give)

• Dinner ladies or frozen meal voucher

Don’t underestimate snack foods as well. Chopping up some carrot sticks and cucumber sticks with a pack of hummus. Snacks for me were the trickiest, I found myself eating a lot of crap with a lot of preservatives which is what my dietician calls “a food opportunity”. But I was missing lot’s of nutrients so loved when my sister dropped off homemade snackies.

5. Want to Go the Extra Mile?

If you’re keen to step up, here are some real MVP moves:

• Offer to do a load of laundry or run errands

• Pick up groceries or drop off essentials

• Help them research doctors, treatments, or NDIS forms (this is HUGE) if you are in Allied Health and can lend some advice

• Go with them to an appointment just so they don’t have to sit in that awful waiting room alone

  
  

6. What Not to Do

Please don’t:

• Compare their situation to someone else’s (“At least it’s not cancer”)

• Tell them to “just stay positive”. Hilariously my psych said I was being too toxically positive and not processing being chronically unwell. So we actually need a lot of support processing the reality not pretending we are going to get our old lives back.

• Try to silver-lining the hell out of it. My husbands best mate said he would have loved to not work, I on the other hand loved my job and was crying daily not being able to work..

Instead, go for validation or empowerment (positivity minus the toxicity):

TLDR

Small acts of kindness. Low-pressure messages. Practical help. They all matter more than you think.

And if all else fails: snacks. Always snacks.